The Last of the Summer Line

Let's give Mona Lisa, the Milkmaid and the Madonna better facilities

Photo by Sung Jin Cho on Unsplash

I find myself in Italy at the fag end of summer and the tourist lines don’t seem to get any shorter. There was a time when mid-September meant sanity. One could actually look upwards at the Sistine chapel ceiling without stepping on someone’s foot or gaze in stupefied wonder at the Pieta in a hushed St Peter’s Basilica.

Not any more… sigh. Either people are just travelling more or more people are travelling or someone has told people that September is sane in Europe and they have all switched to September. Or, unlike some US politicians, the tourists have figured out that climate change is actually happening and September means good summer weather. Anyhow, the lines are very long and even the ‘skip the line’ lines are long.

It is all very tiresome, but never more so than in the line for the ladies toilet. For every lady that goes in, an average of three men do their stuff and come out. They look relieved and smug and having the two sets of toilets opposite each other is not a help for the poor patient ladies who have to look away and pretend they are just fine and don’t really have to ‘go.’

Having an equal number of toilets for gents and ladies assumes that the numbers of men and women visitors will be roughly equal (correct) and that the average time spent by those visitors in the toilet will be equal (totally incorrect).

Without going into too much detail about anatomical peculiarities and unfastening of clothes we can safely assume that women take three times as long to pee than men.

Now, why this isn’t considered when designing public buildings, I don’t know.

Actually I do know.. it came to me as I was waiting in line at the Napoli museum yesterday. Women have never demanded more toilets. In fact they have never spoken about urinating in public buildings or even urinating at all. How can a special interest group that doesn’t even want to name its cause, ever function?

Why should there be more toilets for women when they don’t pee.. they only powder their noses or go for a tinkle.

C’mon lady friends - let’s get it together. Let’s acknowledge that we have to pee ( bladder emptying function same as men) and write to our elected representatives to do something about it. Here are some useful starter ideas.

In the short term:

• Convert some under-used disabled toilets into ladies toilets

• Have more gender neutral toilets so men and women are equally treated when women take longer inside a cubicle
  
  In the long term:

• Have at least three times as many ladies as men’s loos… make it mandatory for the construction of new public buildings. I believe in some parts of the world, including Texas, this is actually happening. Well done Texas! You may be in favour of regulating women’s bodies but hey, those bodies can relieve themselves more speedily!
  
  Some of my most intimate bonding experiences with other women has been in the ladies line outside the toilets - yes, it snakes its way outside the entrance to the toilet area. There is a rolling of the eyes and a weary ‘always the way’ look between total strangers followed by a wan smile. It has happened at theatres in London, at concerts in Vegas, at the Louvre ( Loovre anyone?), at Stanford restrooms (no rest for the women). It is a universal condition and lately I have been rousing support for the popular movement. And every woman crossing her legs in line with me has agreed to support the cause.
  
  So let’s do it! Write to your local M.Pee (sorry couldn’t resist that), your representative or your councillor, spread the word, start a petition on Change.Org. Certainly worth trying… we need to show that we ladies are as strong as our pelvic muscles!
  
  Please comment/ refute/ suggest ideas. I am… your sister in line.