Snakes and ladders: The uneven ascent of women

Another International Women’s Day. Another two meals to be cooked. Another four beds to be made. Another load of washing to carry upstairs… it never ends..

 

If, like me, you thought the second wave of feminism had freed women of household chores and domestic duties, all the way back in the 1950’s you are only half right. Yes there was a dishwasher and washing machine in every home, a fridge in every kitchen, a car in every suburban driveway but there was also…wait for it.. a domestic goddess at every altar!  Larger families and more prosperity after the second world war meant that women stayed home to look after the children and one income ( usually the male breadwinner’s) was enough to run the household.  

 By the 1950’s the gains made by women during the second world war had been wiped out. In a snakes and ladders twist, there was a backlash by the establishment. The gritty women who aided the war effort, stood shoulder to shoulder with men, worked in factories, built bridges… were replaced by women in floral dresses with cinched in waists who made sure their manicured hands never did any work outside the home.

This is of course, not the only instance. The ladder of equal pay legislation and the glass ceiling snake. The ladder of abortion being made legal and the snake of overturning that. The ladder of ‘Me too’ and the snake pit of too many instances of abuse and assault to recount.

 As a woman, I am sensitive to snakes and potential snakes and I think I spot many in socio-cultural trends today that work against the well being of women.

 

1. Young people delaying marriage:

At first glance you would think that is good for women. More education and work experience and money – but think where these young people live and who they live off. House prices in cities are expensive if not prohibitive, so many adult children come back to live with parents while they save for a house or wait for their romantic relationship to be stable enough to move in with their partner. Being ‘children’ they live in heaps of mess, leave the ironing and cooking to mom and bring their significant others home to add to the housework. I have loads of friends with adult children who complain about the behaviour of their children’s partners. ‘ The girlfriend comes every Friday night, doesn’t help with the housework at all and leaves without so much as a thank you! Leaving me to clear up the plates and mugs from the room.’ Mom who has already done most of the housework all her life is now burdened with even more - at an age when she should be putting her feet up. The latest available data from the Gender Equality Index shows that employed women spend about 2.3 hours daily on housework; for employed men, this figure is 1.6 hours. Working from home does not improve men’s output with regard to domestic chores and even unemployed men work much less than women in the home! I would suppose this applies to retired men too.

2. Millennials needing financial help:

       In England, the Bank of Mum and Dad as it is called, would be the 10th largest mortgage lender if it were a bank. A 2019 study showed that a total of GBP 6.3 billion had been doled out by parents to help their children up the property ladder. Many parents can afford this and are happy to do it but equally, others have to restrict their own luxuries including holidays and household help to help out their children. ‘ I wish I could have a cleaner come in but we had just helped Sheryl with her house and it was a choice between that and the gardener so we settled for a gardener.’ Let’s not miss the fact that the man does the gardening and he gets the help!

 3. Many young adults are choosing not to work or have long periods between jobs:

The latest Office for National Statistics figures in the UK suggest that 987,000 young adults were not in work, education or training- that is an astounding 13.4% or almost one in seven people in that age group! The phenomenon is more widespread. The Japanese have a term for it: hikikomori -  ‘ those who are neither in work nor school, do not have social interactions and are socially withdrawn for more than 6 months. The Chinese call it ‘tang ping’ or literally, lying flat. These young people have opted out of the rat race and have embraced a more relaxed lifestyle. But relaxed for whom? Certainly not the mother who has to run the house and look after the young adult who has never left the nest.

I have a friend in Delhi who is looking after her son and her unmarried brother who has been a lifelong hikikomori. There is another who has two young daughters at home who flit between jobs, and order their meals on a whatsapp group that my friend has thoughtfully set up to help plan meals everyday and please everybody.

4. Longer life spans

This means that many women in their 60s are looking after parents in their 80s and 90s. Private institutional care is expensive and social care badly depleted. ‘ I haven’t had a holiday in ages, says a friend. My mother is so fragile she cannot be left alone.’ Again the burden of caring for parents of the couple falls mainly on the woman.  The UK Census for 2021 found there are 5.8 million unpaid carers in the UK, 59% of them women. It also found that the biggest proportion came from the 50-59 age group and – shockingly – women aged between 75 and 79 were most likely to provide 50 hours or more of unpaid care per week. This could include looking after grandchildren. ‘ I used to go for a painting class every Wednesday but now the grandchildren come to me.’

To summarise, the arc of child rearing and unpaid care has been extended by several decades in the 21st century by socio-cultural trends that take women’s unpaid work and care for granted. The economy doesn’t factor it in, the lawmakers are doing nothing to change it and the women just plod on – day after day. It is yet another example of the kind of emancipation women have won: uneven at best.

The freedom to be yourself and to live to your full potential mean nothing in the face of unchanging societal norms and culture that still place the burden of house work and care on women. Society and the workplace have to catch up before we can be totally emancipated.

I am so happy I have two daughters, who are changing things… to them and my wider world of sisters and daughters Happy International Women’s Day 2025.